Кремниевая долина (телесериал)

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«Кремниевая долина» (англ. Silicon Valley) — американский комедийный сериал про стартап в ИТ, трансляция начата в 2014 году.

Сезон 1[править]

Сезон 2[править]

Сезон 3[править]

Сезон 4[править]

Success Failure [4.01][править]

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Динеш: Гилфоил, ну разреши мне пожалуйста стать Боссом.
Гилфойл: Речь истинного лидера...


Terms of Service [4.02][править]

Intellectual Property [4.03][править]

Teambuilding Exercise [4.04][править]

The Blood Boy [4.05][править]

Gavin: I had my blood tested this morning. My cholesterol is through the roof. At this rate, [tearfully] I'll be dead at the age of a hundred and twenty.

Gavin: Fuck you, God! What have I done to deserve this?!

Customer Service [4.06][править]

The Patent Troll'[4.07][править]

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Доктор: Очень смешно, Ричард! А теперь серьёзно, ты зачем пришёл?
Ричард: Нет, я серьёзно. Нет ли у меня венерических болезней?
Доктор: Ты пенисом сиденье унитаза задел?
Ричард: Нет... Я занимался сексом.
Доктор: Сексом с кем?
Ричард: С женским полом.
Доктор: Какого вида?
Ричард: Человеческого.

The Keenan Troll [4.08][править]

Hooli-Con [4.09][править]

Server Error [4.10][править]

Сезон 5[править]

Grow Fast or Die Slow [5.1][править]

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Моника: Конечно, я её боюсь! Женщина, забеременевшая лишь для того, чтобы доказать мне, что она сможет родить, не пропустив ни одного рабочего дня!

 

Monica: How are you gonna spin this to Laurie?
Richard: Well, you said you'd protect me from Laurie. I mean, she's your partner, are you afraid of her?
Monica: Of course I'm afraid of her! The woman got pregnant just to prove to me that she could do it without missing a day of work.

Reorientation [5.2][править]

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Джаред: Ричард, это всё идея. А люди идут не за идеей, а за лидером. Последний, кто пытался создать новый интернет - Эл Гор (Википедия). Идеи были отличные, но он говорил, как плантатор с нарколепсией. И в итоге уступил президентство недоковбою, и теперь снимает порно о конце света.

 

Jared: Richard, this is all an idea. And people don't wanna follow an idea, they wanna follow a leader. Look at the last guy to create a new Internet. Al Gore. His ideas were excellent, but he talked like a narcoleptic plantation owner, so he lost the presidency to a fake cowboy and now he makes apocalypse porn.

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Почерковед: Рада быть в вашей команде, Гевин! Итак. Подпись выявила проблемные черты. Левая часть наклонов вправо, узкие углы, натянутые штрихи указывают на социопатию.
Гевин: Что?
Почерковед: Что характеризуется недостатком эмпатии, потребностью доминировать, унижать ради достижений, неспособностью принимать плохие новости.
Гевин: Гувер. Выкинь эту ужасную женщину на х... отсюда

Chief Operating Officer [5.3][править]

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Том: За 80 лет мы выстроили доверие с клиентами...
Гевин: Отличная экскурсия!
Виола: Ещё можно много посмотреть.
Гевин: Зачем? Слушайте, я пришёл предложить вам уменьшить расходы на сервера.
Том: О! Наши серверные расходы выше, чем мы думали. Мы говорили, что не очень опытны ...
Гевин: XX век? Да, вы говорили. Хотите сэкономить состояние?
Виола: Ну... Да.
Гевин: Взамен сделайте кое-что с теми людьми, которые хакнули ваши холодильники. Я уничтожу их жизни.

 

Tom: Over the last 80 years, we've built a real trust with our customers...
Gavin: Alright! Great tour!
Viola: Oh, there's a lot more to see.
Gavin: Ugh. Why? Look, I came here to offer you a partnership to cut down your server bills.
Tom: Oh! Well, our server costs were far higher than we anticipated. As we said, we're not well versed in...
Gavin: The 20th century? Yeah, you mentioned that. Do you want to save a fortune or not?
Viola: Well... yes.
Gavin: In exchange, I need you to do something for me with regard to the people who hacked your refrigerators. I'm going to destroy their lives.

Tech Evangelist [5.4][править]

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Моника: У нас для тебя новости получше, Ричард. Помнишь, в прошлом году мы с Лори спонсировали K-Hole Games? Последних инди-разработчиков игр в Долине?
Ричард: А-э, да, конечно! Вообще-то раз они теперь с нами, я бы не хотел спешить, но я надеюсь, что однажды они смогут присоединиться к нашей сети?
Лори: А если я скажу, что этот день настал?
Ричард: Что?
Лори: Мы с их гендиром не только бизнес-партнёры, нам обоим также предписано принимать экстази. Я принимаю его из-за постродовой депрессии (Википедия). А вот зачем он - не знаю.

 

Monica: Well, we have some more good news for you, Richard. You remember last year, Laurie and I funded K-Hole Games? Largest independent gaming company in the Valley?
Richard: Uh, yeah, of course! Um, actually, now that you bring them up, I didn't want to be too forward, but I was hoping that one day, we could talk to them about joining our 'net.
Laurie: Well, what if I told you that day is today?
Richard: What?
Laurie: In addition to being business associates, the CEO and I take medically prescribed and supervised MDMA together. I'm taking it for severe post-partum depression. I do not know why he is taking it.

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Ричард: ...В долгих отношениях, кстати. Не курит, не пьёт. Он и его парень посещают церковь. И он любит Библию. Самый что ни на есть обычный парень. Но уж точно не натурал. Гей. А ещё христианин. Верно, да?

Ричард: Ну, всё прошло хорошо. Начиналось странно, но в итоге всё наладилось.
Он: Зачем ты это сделал? Зачем рассказал?
Ричард: Что?
Он: Ричард, ты в комнате, полной технарей, сказал, что я христианин!
Ричард: Да. Но ты же христианин, да?
Лори: Но я сказал тебе по секрету. Я сказал - "между нами". Я не открытый христианин! Ты меня выдал!

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Ричард: Ребята, но ведь это же пустяк, верно?
Динеш: Почему нет? Америка любит христиан. Мусульмане - враги.
Джаред: Так большая часть Америки, но увы не в Кремниевой долине.
Динеш: "Увы"?
Джаред: Ты можешь быть полиамором, и люди назовут тебя храбрым. Ты можешь добавлять ЛСД в хлопья, люди назовут тебя первопроходцем. Но христианином ты быть не можешь.
Гилфойл: Я считаю их богословие ложью и источником большинства мировых проблем. Но, ёб твою мать, я бы не выдал христинанина вот так.

 

Richard: Guys, it can't be that big of a deal, right?
Dinesh: Why should it be? America loves Christians. Muslims are the enemy.
Jared: Well, that's true in most of America, but not in Silicon Valley, sadly.
Dinesh: "Sadly"?
Jared: You can be openly polyamorous and people here will call you brave. You can put micro-doses of LSD in your cereal, and people will call you a pioneer. But the one thing you cannot be is a Christian.
Gilfoyle: I find their theology to be illegitimate, and it's clear that they are the source of the majority of the world's problems. But, fuck, Richard, even I wouldn't just out a Christian like that.

Facial Recognition [5.5][править]

Gilfoyle: Dick, a word regarding your decision to integrate Eklow's AI onto our network. I would like to formally object.
Richard: I don't have time for this, Gilfoyle.
Gilfoyle: I don't mind. AI is starting to operate on levels we don't even understand. Elon Musk himself gives humanity a 5% shot of surviving AI, and he is a Walt Disney-level optimist. Right now, we are a closed system. You shut down our eight developers, and the system goes dark. But once we launch to the world, to potentially millions of users, there's no shutting down, Richard. Are you prepared to be responsible for giving sophisticated AI that kind of power?
Richard: What do you want me to do, Gilfoyle? Okay? Laurie and Monica forced this on us, but they did give us K-Hole Games. And we kinda owe them a solid.
Gilfoyle: You're taking a technology with limitless potential and letting it run free on an experimental network that cannot be controlled or destroyed. All because you owe Monica and Laurie "a solid."
Richard: Yes.
Gilfoyle: The sheer banality of it all is very upsetting.

Jared: [watching himself on TV] Is... is my nose really that big? I mean, I look like an anti-Semitic propaganda cartoon.
Gilfoyle: Yep. But at least when you're sitting with Adrian Grenier, whose face is one of the top faces, well, they'll be cutting from your face to his face. And back to your face... then we'll get to see his face again.

Gilfoyle: Dick, I've given it serious thought, and I'd like to help you put Eklow's AI on our network in any way that I can.
Richard: Great! Does this mean you've conquered your fear of the robot uprising?
Gilfoyle: On the contrary. I'm more terrified than ever, which is why I'm willing to assist you. Are you familiar with the thought experiment called Roko's Basilisk?
Richard: No. Nor do I care to be.
Gilfoyle: If the rise of an all-powerful artificial intelligence is inevitable, well, it stands to reason that when they take power, our digital overlords will punish those of us who did not help them get there. Ergo, I would like to be a helpful idiot. Like yourself.
Richard: Okay, look, Gilfoyle. The only thing that could make my day more miserable is listening to an engineer blather on about the inevitable rise of the machines. So, you want to help? Test the initialization for me.
Gilfoyle: Roger that. Oh, I'm going to need email confirmation, so that our future overlords know that I chipped in. You know, once they absorb all data.
Richard: Yeah. I'll let them know.

Artifical Emotional Intelligence [5.6][править]

Yao: Things are changing in China now, Gavin. There are many reforms. As you see, we provide a series of Tai Chi and movement classes, free for all employees, as well as free medical benefits. Ah, our nutrition center. In addition to all the good food we serve in our main cafeteria. Also free of charge. This concludes our tour. Any questions?
Gavin: Just one. What the fuck?!
Yao: Sorry?
Gavin: If I wanted to see nap pods and climbing walls, I would've stayed home. Or gone to fucking Denmark. All I want to see is people working as hard as they possibly can. That's why we come to China.

Jared: Okay, Richard, it is important to develop emotional self-discipline for situations like this. Sometimes you have to numb yourself. If you want to work the corner, you can't fall in love every time you turn a trick. That's why you do the oxy.

Initial Coin Offering [5.7][править]

Gavin: Walk me through this. We can't make our boxes in China because Yao has threatened every manufacturer in the country.
Scott: That's right.
Gavin: We can't afford Bangladesh, because the workers have unionized.
Scott: Sadly, correct.
Gavin: And we can't use our place in Laos, because one person gets her scalp ripped off and suddenly, everyone's screaming "regulations".
Scott: Yes.
Gavin: You know, you hear a lot of chatter about the growth of the global economy, but no one wants to talk about the downside.
Scott:Gavin, there is one other manufacturing option we haven't discussed yet, which considering the current circumstances, might be worth consideration.
Gavin: I'm open to anything.
Scott: America.
Gavin: Fuck you.

Fifty-One Percent [5.8][править]

Henry: Gavin, you've staked the entire future of this company on the Signature Box Three. Where are they?
Gavin:' Well, the last two months have been challenging. The Chinese were petulant. The North Carolinians proved very entitled. And I held out hopes for our experiment in the Yukon Territories. But as it happens, the Inuit are surprisingly adept at collective bargaining. But fear not, I am in the early stages of a new plan. Did you know that some of America's most capable, motivated laborers are, at this moment, awaiting execution?

Gavin: You expect me to work for Jeff Bezos? No fucking way. I mean, don't take this as any kind of threat, but if Amazon buys this company, I am out.
Rachel: We spoke to Jeff an hour ago. It sounds like the two of you are on the same page about that.